Wednesday, May 4, 2011

My Confession.....

This was me at age 17 and about 100 lbs, oh to look that good again!!  LOL


Hey Ya'll,

First off, I want to say that our fellow Blogging friend, Kathy at My New Beginnings, got bad news today after her Upper GI.  After over 9 months of being totally Unfilled, the Doctor came to the conclusion that there was no change in her condition. :(  Since her Doctor's Office is in a different town than where she lives, and he is opening a new Office in her town this month.  They made another appointment for her at his new Office in 3 weeks, giving her time to decide if she wants to keep the Band UNFILLED forever, or to have it Removed.  And if so, whether or not she wants to consider changing to the Gastric Sleeve or have the RNY Surgery.....I believe that she is still in shock.  Please click on the link I provided above, and give her the support she really needs right now!!!

Now as to my post title, well....I have been reading up on some blogs, and I feel like I need to fess up.  Most of you have battled obesity most, if not all of your lives.  Although I have battled obesity for many years, over half of my life now, I was not really considered an over weight child, teenager, or young adult.  I didn't become truly overweight until my later 20's.  But once I started to put on the pounds, they just kept coming on.  That's when I began my roller coaster ride of weight loss attempts.

I was probably considered mildly overweight in Jr High School (9th Grade), when I weighed about 135 lbs.  I was (and still am!!) 5'3" tall.  And of course I would be thrilled to weigh 135 again!!  But I never considered myself overweight back then, and I never had other kids making fun of me for my weight.  But as Summer began before I was to enter High School (grade 10), I decided that I wanted to lose a few pounds before I started High School, just to look a little better.

So I went on a self imposed diet....I allowed myself one meal a day (typically Dinner), I called it my water diet.  I drank water all day long (duh).  And I willed myself not to eat any sweets, or junk food of any kind all Summer!!  I lost from 135 lbs, down to 89 lbs in less than 3 months!  I would have continued losing too, as I truly didn't see myself as others saw me.  I know now that I was borderline Anorexic.  I felt that I needed to lose at least another 5 lbs.  But one of my Uncles saw me looking at myself in the full length mirror in my bikini that day, saying just that to myself.  And my Uncle told me, "girl, you don't need to lose weight, you don't even HAVE a figure anymore!!"  And he was known for liking to look at pretty women.

This made me take a real-long-look at myself in the mirror.  That is when I began to see what others saw, when they looked at me.  My Collar Bones protruded, as did my Rib Cage.  He was right, I was too skinny.  So I allowed myself to gain back up to a weight between 98-100 lbs.  I was in the Drill Team in High School, and we practiced all the time.  So I became very toned.  We practiced during our Gym period, then we had after school practice at least several times a week, plus, I was in the small competition group, so we also practiced in the evening at the Drill Team Captains home.

Because of this, I was burning calories faster than I could take them in!!!  I literally ate at least 4 meals a day.  I ate at least 2-3 bowls of cereal for breakfast, then my Stomach would start growling before lunch!  It was so loud that I was sure that students sitting near me in class could hear it!  Then at lunch I would eat a full meal at McDonald's.  Then I would eat an afternoon (full meal), again at McDonald's after school and practice.  Then I would eat dinner with the family around 9 pm!!  If I gained up to 105 lbs, I dropped one meal-one day, and I immediately dropped back down to 100 lbs!!

So of course, I felt like I could eat anything and hold my weight!!  But after I had my daughter, my whole body changed....all I had to do was look at food, and I could gain weight.  But still, until I started to work full time, and became much more sedentary, I was able to control my weight.  Then my later 20's hit, and so did the weight.

My biggest problem now, is that I CRAVE things!!  If only I could control myself like I could as a teenager....my biggest problem is when Walt is away.  If only he wasn't so strict with me, and allowed me to have an occasional treat, more often than Walt thinks is justified, then I wouldn't feel so deprived and want to go overboard when he was away from home....If only they could come up with a pill that could control our cravings!!  Everything would be perfect!  Believe me, the Head Hunger is the worst part of losing weight....any suggestions???  Please???

Well, I should go.  Till next time.....

Aloha My Friends  :)

8 comments:

Dianne said...

I could have written large parts of this myself. I was active and thin my whole life without even thinking about it. Even after I had 2 kids I was never larger than a size 8...then I turned 30 and gained 100 pounds!
I find that gaining weight has really changed who I am and how I define myself. I am not nearly as fun as I used to be! I want the old me back....if I'm not too old to find that me again!

Laura Belle said...

I'm having the same problem. I was a stick in high school, then when I hit college I ballooned (guess it was all that pizza and beer). Now i'm trying to get down a little, but basically be more healthy, and I crave ALL THE TIME! Pizza, chocolate, ice cream, donuts, candy, etc.

I'll do pretty good for a few weeks, then, like this week, I do really bad. WHY IS THAT? Grrr.

I guess if I can control it more, like letting myself have ONE 'cheat' meal and not 6, that would help. But sometimes, once I start I can't stop.

If you figure it out, let me know!

Cat's Chic Chat said...

Hi Debi,
I've been the opposite, I come from a family of obesity and was a chubby kid, a fat teen and an obese adult. Good luck to you with getting the cravings under control. You know...Amanda Kiska has a theory that I have subscribed to that is basically diets are what make us fat. I wonder if your summer of deprivation is what leads you now to all the cravings especially when Walt is away? Just a thought.

Sheila said...

I wish I had good advice for you. With the sleeve, my physical hunger is gone. It is amazingly easy to stay away from junk because I don't really feel hunger in the truest form. I describe it as feeling somewhat 'empty' but not the deep down, must-eat something-now-or-I-will-pass-out. I have heard the advice of allowing yourself a small amount of whatever your crave. But it is a fine line because sometimes starting with a treat is all we need to continue with it. Fine line, fine line.

I'm amazed after 9th grade that you were able to diet down so many pounds...I probably was 140lbs at age 14 but never lost any of that, just continued and graduated from HS at 175. Ugh!

Silverhairedgoddess said...

I think alot of us have cravings - sometimes, I can loose the craving by doing some extra exercise, or by doing some housework - anything to occupy my hands and mind., but sometimes nothing works and I give in... but I am trying to just eat a little of the "craved" food - you just have to do the best you can and then not beat yourself up when you go overboard!

I know one thing that if someone tells me not to eat something .... that's when I want it even more!

~Lisa~ said...

I wish I had answers or advice for you my friend.. All I can say is that I understand - I REALLY understand.. It is a life long journey that we're on. But know that we are all on this journey together,,

Debi said...

Dianne - you WILL find your old self! Don't ever think that you won't.

Laura Belle - Yes, I wish that I could figure out how to control my cravings!! I don't know what is wrong with my Brain...

Cat - I do know how you feel, because my sister was the opposite of me, like you. So I saw her struggles with weight her whole life...she is still overweight...As for my craving what I deprived myself of as a teenager now effecting me as an adult, I am not sure. I suppose anything is possible.

Sheila - I know, my family tried to get me to eat more, they even stopped the Ice Cream Truck that came around daily and tried to get me to have one too, but I said no...they were very happy when I did see myself as they did, and started to allow myself food again.

Silver Haired Goddess - I have tried to work through the cravings too. Most of the time I succeed. But then there are the times that I don't, and at those times, I am very, very bad...

Debi said...

Lisa - Thanks so much, I know that most of my Bandster Buddies know how I feel, and what I am going through, or we wouldn't all be in this position that find ourselves in now...but it is so great to know that I do have so many FRIENDS that understand and give me so much understanding and support....