Sunday, January 30, 2011

Sorry For So Many Posts In One Day!


Hey Ya'll,

Well first off, I want to apologize for so many posts in one day.  But my sweetheart Walt, got home a short time ago, and I could tell immediately that something was wrong.....He always wakes up hours before me.  He is a morning person, I am a night person.  He left early this morning before I woke up in order to go check out a Truck Driving School, and he was planning on driving today to see if he would like it.

He feels he needs to get his Commercial Drivers License so that we could upgrade our towing vehicle in the future, so that we could tow not only the 5th Wheel, but another Trailer behind it!  Which would make a Commercial License necessary.  We would also probably pull them with a Semi Truck!  So he feels that I too HAVE to have a CDL as well.  Well, if we do upgrade to the Semi, then yes, I would have to have one, unless I never wanted to drive it!  But I don't feel that it is necessary for me to start to learn how to drive one until later.  At least after we get through taxes, and we are sure that he is going to go through with it too!  So yesterday I told him that I was NOT going to go to the School today with him. 

So unless this is what is bothering him, I am not sure what he is upset about.  Walt has a tendency to shut down when he gets really mad.  He won't talk about it.  He just wants to simmer and boil for a while, until he decides that he will forgive me.  Which is worse than fighting to me.  At least I know what he is mad about.  But when he shuts down without telling me what I said or did, then I don't know how to react or what to do or say. 

He won't let me say anything....which is even worse.  It makes me feel like he hates me.  Like our future is in jeopardy!!  Which makes me feel helpless.  He knows that I would never move back into my parents home, and since I have no where else to go, I am up a creek if he decides that whatever I did was bad enough to leave me for.  Especially since I had to retire from working due to Medical issues.  I would have a hard time finding work that would accept someone that has so many Medical issues.  So supporting myself would be almost impossible....I don't know what to do.  All I want to do is cry right now.  And I haven't felt like this in awhile.

We were supposed to go do the laundry today after he returned.  I don't mind doing it myself.  In fact, if I had had the money to do it, I would have went ahead and started it while he was gone.  Even though I knew that he would have been upset that I did.  So I waited for him.  When he got home, he silently ate lunch, then let me know in no uncertain terms that he was going to do the laundry and he didn't want me to help him....

Tomorrow is Walt's birthday, but I am not even sure if he will be here to celebrate it with me.  He may choose to go back to Sacramento tonight or early tomorrow, just so he doesn't have to spend it with me.  I am very sorry for such a Debbie Downer post today.  But that is exactly how I feel.  I will get off here for now.

Aloha My Friends  :(

13 comments:

Lonicera said...

Debi - I'm sending you a big hug. I hate the idea of your being by yourself and feeling so unhappy and vulnerable. You've been with Walt for such a long time, I'm hoping that deep down you know him well enough to know that something such as disagreeing with him on something is not serious enough to be a cause for a parting of the ways. How about quietly discussing it once he's feeling back to his normal self? The worse part it seems to me is that you don't know where you are in your relationship with him. He sounds like a good man, but perhaps like most men not brilliant at expressing his feelings at the time... Please forgive me if I'm going too far here Debi, just wanted to reach out to you.
Caroline

Debi said...

Caroline, don't worry, I truly am grateful for any and all opinions!

I agree, I would love to discuss it with him, I just hope that he will allow it. Half the time, he decides to "forgive" me and get over it, without really letting me know what I did in the first place, which is what is so unsettling...

Something About Kellie said...

Sending some love your way :( I hope everything sorts its self out for you soon.

Debi said...

Thanks Kellie!! I hope so too!

Sandi said...

(((hugs))) I hope you guys sort it out and it doesn't ruin your entire day! Hang in, coming from a girl who also needs to be alone when I am really mad, hopefully he comes around sooner than later.

-S

Debi said...

Thanks Sandi! I hope so too! It's been about 5 hours and he has barely spoken a word to me yet!

Linda said...

Debi - Sorry things are so rough right now. I think at times we all can feel like we're walking a tightrope in a relationship. I hope you are able to talk things out soon. My husband likes to be alone when he's upset which is the opposite of me. After years of chasing after him and causing bigger fights I think we finally figured out a system that works - I give him some time to cool off, but then he has to talk through the issue with me. Good luck!

Debi said...

Thanks Linda, I only wish that all I had to do was give him his space. That I would gladly do. When he gets like this, it is like he hates me, so I sit on pins and needles until he figures it all out, and hopefully he will advise me of what was the problem!!

~Lisa~ said...

Oh Debi, I'm sorry you Guys are having a rough time right now.. Hopefully soon you'll be able to talk it through and get to the bottom of what's bothering him. It may just be he needs a break. It's been so stressful for both of you for so long, running around, finding the right home, moving - and now he travels so much to his job.. Maybe he just hit the wall. It happens to many of us. You're upset too, which is building on the stress that you've had to deal with. It sounds like you Guys desperately need some "alone" time... Just the two of you - alone.

I'm sending good wishes and prayers your way...

(((huggggsss)))

Debi said...

Thanks Lisa, BTW, he went to bed without kissing me goodnight. Not a good sign....

amandakiska said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
amandakiska said...

You guys have had so much stress and upheaval lately. Frankly I'd be surprised if you WEREN'T also having some marital strife. It sucks that he won't talk to you, but it sounds like he just needs to cool off so you can discuss things. Try not to freak out too much. Give him his space and see where you're at tomorrow. I doubt he wants to spend his birthday nursing a grudge.

Debi said...

Thanks Amanda, you were right!! I will post about it tomorrow!! :)