Sunday, January 30, 2011
Sorry For So Many Posts In One Day!
Well first off, I want to apologize for so many posts in one day. But my sweetheart Walt, got home a short time ago, and I could tell immediately that something was wrong.....He always wakes up hours before me. He is a morning person, I am a night person. He left early this morning before I woke up in order to go check out a Truck Driving School, and he was planning on driving today to see if he would like it.
He feels he needs to get his Commercial Drivers License so that we could upgrade our towing vehicle in the future, so that we could tow not only the 5th Wheel, but another Trailer behind it! Which would make a Commercial License necessary. We would also probably pull them with a Semi Truck! So he feels that I too HAVE to have a CDL as well. Well, if we do upgrade to the Semi, then yes, I would have to have one, unless I never wanted to drive it! But I don't feel that it is necessary for me to start to learn how to drive one until later. At least after we get through taxes, and we are sure that he is going to go through with it too! So yesterday I told him that I was NOT going to go to the School today with him.
So unless this is what is bothering him, I am not sure what he is upset about. Walt has a tendency to shut down when he gets really mad. He won't talk about it. He just wants to simmer and boil for a while, until he decides that he will forgive me. Which is worse than fighting to me. At least I know what he is mad about. But when he shuts down without telling me what I said or did, then I don't know how to react or what to do or say.
He won't let me say anything....which is even worse. It makes me feel like he hates me. Like our future is in jeopardy!! Which makes me feel helpless. He knows that I would never move back into my parents home, and since I have no where else to go, I am up a creek if he decides that whatever I did was bad enough to leave me for. Especially since I had to retire from working due to Medical issues. I would have a hard time finding work that would accept someone that has so many Medical issues. So supporting myself would be almost impossible....I don't know what to do. All I want to do is cry right now. And I haven't felt like this in awhile.
We were supposed to go do the laundry today after he returned. I don't mind doing it myself. In fact, if I had had the money to do it, I would have went ahead and started it while he was gone. Even though I knew that he would have been upset that I did. So I waited for him. When he got home, he silently ate lunch, then let me know in no uncertain terms that he was going to do the laundry and he didn't want me to help him....
Tomorrow is Walt's birthday, but I am not even sure if he will be here to celebrate it with me. He may choose to go back to Sacramento tonight or early tomorrow, just so he doesn't have to spend it with me. I am very sorry for such a Debbie Downer post today. But that is exactly how I feel. I will get off here for now.
Aloha My Friends :(