Tuesday, May 18, 2010

I've Been Bad And I Am Embarrassed And Ashamed :(

My sentiments exactly!!  Only I like girls night out every night!!


Hey Ya'll,

Like my post title says, I have been bad and I am embarrassed and ashamed, so spank me, spank me (LOL)!!  I just wanted to make a really quick post, as I have so much to get accomplished today.  But I wanted to come clean with ya'll about my band success, or lack thereof!!

I initially had great success, and had lost down to 191.2, from an all time high of 228.6, prior to Surgery.  but then I allowed my head hunger to rule me and I gained back up to 201!  This terrified me more than I can say.  So I began my efforts to lose, and getting my head hunger back under control.  Which I do most of the time.  But occasionally I still lose it.  As of today, my weight is back down to 194!  So I have updated my tickers to reflect my higher weight.  I am so ashamed that I didn't come clean earlier and update my tickers to show my higher weight.  :(

So initially, I had lost some decent amount of weight.  Then I got a bit cocky, and gained some back to make me 201.  Then I panicked, and lost a few pounds in order to get back under the 200 lb mark, and kind of hovered there for the last 3 months or so!!  But at least I was maintaining at that weight and not gaining it all back.  But now I am beginning my downward trend again.  My goal is to lose another 64 lbs!  I know that I can do it, I just have to get my HEAD HUNGER under control!  Anyone have any suggestions on how to do this permanently????

I would like to be like everyone else and start losing at least 8 lbs per month, 10 preferably.  But hey, I would even take 4 lbs per month!!!!  At the minimum 4 lbs per month, I could conceivably be at or near goal by November 2011!!!  But that would put me near goal when we go to Hawaii, if our plans aren't canceled because of our Bankruptcy problems!!  But I would be happy if I could lose that amount by then.  So if I could increase my weight loss to 8 lbs per month, then I would be at goal by late February 2011.  Of course we all know what comes before then...Thanksgiving and Christmas!!  So that may slow the weight loss during that time a bit.

Anyhoo, I just wanted to come clean and tell you why I haven't been blogging about my weight lately.  I have been ashamed to admit that I was failing, or at least back sliding in my weight loss.  But I need your help and support to get me back on track.

Walt believes that my weight loss stopped about the same time that I began my massive undertaking in preparing our taxes earlier this year.  Then of course pulling all the information together for the Bankruptcy filing, etc as well!!!

Because of this, I had almost stopped blogging and rarely had the time to read any of your blogs!!  He believes that if I can get back into blogging daily, like I did earlier, and get caught up on your blogs, then I will get myself motivated to start losing again!!!  So I am truly hoping this is the case!

We do have some heavy times ahead of us in the next 3-6 months because of the Bankruptcy, etc, but I am going to try to stay caught up with you guys as much as possible.  I really need and appreciate your support and guidance, more than you can even know!!  Anyway, I am now rambling, and I don't have time to ramble today, so....till next time.

Aloha My Friends  :)

29 comments:

Sandy Lee said...

Oh Debi. You have always been there for us. I took over a month to up my ticker and have been stuck at 185 for the last TWO months. I'm getting a fill on Friday. I just want to lose 1 pound a week. I don't think there are those who are under 200 who are losing 8 pounds a month. You will get there and your Walt is a smarty pants. He's right. Get back into blogging and we'll be right here with you. I just want this weight loss to be faster but we do have the rest of our lives so we'll be patient together. I can't imagine all that you are going through and as you said yourself-you haven't gained it all back. Be well.

Darlin1 said...

Good for you "for coming clean". Do you have restriction right now?
I remember when I was talking to the psychologist (a prerequisite for LB) and she said the most important thing-- was having a plan for when you were head hungry----go for a walk--write a letter--check your blog etc. Play games with yourself!

Good Luck!

Debi said...

Thanks guys! I really need to know that I am not alone in this and that there are those of you out there to hold me accountable!!

I still have some restriction, but not a lot. Mostly in the early part of the day. By evening, I can almost eat whatever I want. I do fine during the day, it is at night that I have to fight eating too much!!

Which is bad, since I have been staying up until about 4am-5am lately!!

Debi said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jennifer said...

Debi you can do it! I know blogging helps me stay on track. I hope you can find more time to hang out here. I'm sure it will help! You are also under a LOT of stress. I also gained 10 lbs. at one point so I know how you feel. You are almost back to your low weight so obviously you are doing the right things.
I think we all have a 'testing our band' phase. Maybe that was yours.
Big Hugs,
Jen

Sally Hamilton said...

Call your doctor and let them help you through this. That's their job. They want you to succeed.

Debi said...

Thanks Jenn!

Sally, how can they help me with Head Hunger? I do have my next Fill appointment a week from tomorrow, I guess I should talk to them about it!

Lonicera said...

I think Walt is right - this blogging in the bandit world is better than any therapy. Don't ever feel ashamed of not coming clean Debi, honestly we're all in the same boat. The very successful bandits are in the minority, and we really need them because they're our inspiration. Most of us lurch from one plateau to another, trying to strike the balance between what the band can do for us and how much we have to help ourselves. I agree that you need advice from the professionals - don't spent another milisecond beating yourself up about it. What you're going through is completely normal.
Caroline

Nella said...

Completely normal and we are here for you!

Debi said...

Thanks Caroline! It is comforting to know that I am not alone in my problems. I will discuss this with my Doctor next week to see what they say.

Debi said...

Thanks Nella!! I knew that I could find the support from all of you! You guys are always there when I need you most!

workinprogress said...

Awww.... Debi - I would have been absolutely shocked if you hadn't battled head hunger with all that you have had on your mind.

Take it easy on yourself - recognise it for what it was and move on.

You are taking positive steps to get back on track and you should be proud of yourself!!

Debi said...

Thanks WIP, You are so sweet.

Robyn said...

Debi, I have also struggled with losing weight since being banded. I recently "got back on the wagon" but before a couple weeks ago it had been 3 months since I lost anything. I was under a lot of stress and of course, turned to my old friend food to deal with it. I also took a break from blogging, but like you, I'm hoping that the blogs help me keep on going! You're on the right track now, that's what's important.

Bonnie said...

Walt is a very smart man. You were so supportive when I started blogging. Hopefully you will be able to lean on us during this stressful time. We're all in this together.

Linda said...

Debi - We all have times we struggle. You've had some pretty stressful times, not to make excuses, but life happens. You are losing again and heading down the scale. Keep blogging and we'll be there.

Debi said...

Thank you Robyn and Bonnie!! It really helps to know that what I have been going through isn't uncommon in newer bandsters!!

Robyn, I hope that you too are able to get yourself back on track!

Bonnie, thanks for letting me lean on you! And your comment about Walt will only go to his head!! LOL

Debi said...

Thank you Linda!! This means so much that all of you care that I do get back on the wagon.

Pie said...

I think it's tremendously important for all of us in the community to document our tough times as much as our success! I know many (including myself) want to believe it's *impossible* to regain weight with the band, so when it DOES happen we freak out and think we're the ONLY one who is "failing". Letting everyone know that stress takes it's toll and sometimes you're going to gain some weight back helps everyone, and I sincerely commend you for being so open and honest with us! It can't be easy.

Good luck with the storm ahead and remember, we're here for you!

Maria said...

Don't get too down on yourself, Debi! I mean, heck, look at me! Three years out and only 50lbs down! Yeah, yeah, I can carp on about two pregnancies in that time, but really, I could've done more if my head had been in the game. You're not alone, and good for you for putting it out there!

Debi said...

Thanks Pie and Maria!

Pie, yes it is possible to gain it back. Which is why it is so important to learn the correct way of eating and the correct portion sizes. And most importantly to try to learn how to control our own "Head Hunger"! This is the hardest for me.

Maria, you are doing fantastic! Yes you have had two pregnancies, but look, you have still maintained at least a 50 lb loss! You will get there too! For some of us, it just takes longer. Like me!!

Lap Band Gal said...

Hang in there, good for you for jumping back on the wagon. Yes, I am up for a meetup in Medford, just email me the details, perhaps we can grab a starbucks or something? lapbandgal@yahoo.com

Debi said...

Sounds fantastic, I will let you know more details as it closer.

Meg said...

As a newbie I think it's good to hear the good and the not so good. Yay to you for confessing and getting back on track! You give me hope that it can be done even though there will be some backsliding. Thank you for being so candid.

Debi said...

You're welcome Meg!!

Sparkler said...

Hi Debi,

Wow, what a huge pile of comments...massive support is out there for you.

I'm not surprised you've had a hard time not giving in to the comfort eating with all the stress you've been under! I imagine going bankrupt is a very hard thing to go through and it's taken it's toll. You haven't been able to focus on your weight loss needs cause this has taken centre stage. But you've put it behind you now and you've refocussed on this part of your life...it's just a little kink in the road, not a major road-block.

Well done to you, for getting back on track and you're right, the blogging does help to keep our focus on our weight loss, it's a bit like a support group. xx

Debi said...

Thank you Sparkler! I agree, it has been hard with all the stress, but it isn't really an excuse either. And you are right, our blogging community is a great support group!!

Girl Bandit said...

No shame....you have done well to get back down. We are not here to judge you just support you. Thanks for sharing

Debi said...

Thanks GB!! I knew I could count on you guys to lift my spirits!